Empty
by thegoodgirldoll
Summary: Tonks and Remus go through a hardship that leaves them both feeling empty, and ultimately seeking comfort in eachother. AU Oneshot written for the Marauder Challenge.


**Author's Note: This was written for the Marauder Challenge on the Harry Potter Fanfiction Forums. It's amazing, so you should definitely check it out! My characters are Remus and Tonks, and my genre was hurt/comfort. Please read and review! Blessings~**

Remus watched his wife as she stared blankly ahead. He took in a deep breath and outstretched his hands to her slightly, but then pulled them back and bit his lip, slowly clenching his fingers into fists and then letting them drop to his sides. It was no use trying to think of what words to say, or what actions to take…there was nothing that was going to make her feel better, so why was he distancing himself? Of course, the only thing she needed right now, was him. She needed her husband; comfort. He had to be here for her. He slipped off his cloak and walked toward the bed, gingerly sitting down as the mattress bowed underneath him, denting it as he took a seat. He rested a gentle hand on her shoulder and felt the shaking that she was so desperately trying to hide. He knew if he looked into her eyes, he would see red-rimmed blue orbs- he'd see tears staining her cheeks. So, he decided not to look into her eyes- it would bring too much pain. He just held her. He pulled her lovingly into his arms and laid back against the pillows with her, keeping her planted in reality as she sobbed; helping her not to lose her mind in this sea of un-reality.

"Dora, I love you," he whispered passionately, beseeching her to believe that this was not her fault- that it could have happened to anyone.

She wailed louder in response, burrowing her head into his chest and clenching a fistful of his shirt in her hands. Her palms dried against the fabric, releasing the tears that had fallen from her eyes onto them.

"This isn't your fault, love, I promise," Remus tried, rocking her ever-so-slightly.

Tonks shook her head against his chest, inhaling deeply as she relished in his scent. She bit her lip firmly, turning it white as she looked into his eyes. He pushed back her brown curls and stared deeply into her eyes- it didn't hurt as much as he had thought it would, seeing her red-rimmed orbs of ocean-y blue. He figured this was because he had been holding in his own tears that flowed freely now…They were both letting their guards down; seeing one another didn't hurt worse…they were hurting equally.

"This is my fault, Remus. How can it not be?"

"Because these things happen to anyone, Dora. You aren't the first and you won't be the last."

"We did everything right, though, Remus! You've been a saint, and we've gotten everything together an-and," she broke down again, clutching his shirt tighter and collapsing into his embrace.

Remus sighed, shaking slightly as his own tears fell. He fought desperately to compose himself, but it was no use.

She was right. She was so, terribly right- what had they done wrong? What did they do to deserve this?

"We just waited so long," she said, lifting her head again- surprising him.

"I know we did, love," he responded, smoothing back her hair as he rested his chin on her head.

Her back was leaning into his chest now, and they held hands on her tummy in front of her. Fresh tears sprung to her eyes, but she was determined not to let them fall. She gripped Remus's hands tighter and his fingers rubbed her stomach lovingly.

"I'm sorry, Dora. I'm sorry we're going through this."

Tonks said nothing, but closed her eyes- hoping to shut out the world. Remus kept her feeling safe in his arms, then, willing her to sleep; encouraging her to sleep, but knowing she wouldn't. When it came down to it, he wasn't sure when he would finally get a good night's sleep again either.

One night, he was talking to his wife's stomach as she slept, hoping his baby could hear him, and the next he was awoken to her screams, waiting for hours at St. Mungos only to be told that was it…

Their child was gone.

It seemed unfair; cruel, but Remus was right. It happened to so many couples; so many mothers. It wasn't a fault of theirs…it was life. Remus remembered now why he hadn't wanted to open his heart in the first place- why starting a family and maintaining it seemed so impossible to him. They hadn't even had a chance to prove themselves as parents before their baby was taken from them, and it stung. Were they going to be unfit? Were they not ready? Remus's questions were endless, and he was sure his wife's were too, but it wouldn't do them any good to dwell on them. Softly, he ran his fingers through Tonks's hair once more, and listened to her quiet snoring. For a moment, he was utterly surprised that she had actually fallen asleep, but then he felt her jump. Jolting upright in bed, she gasped as she gripped the bed sheets on both sides of her. Immediately, Remus sat up too, gripping her back with both hands and immediately beginning to whispering soothing words into her ear as he had that night; as he had at St. Mugos…As he had all of those nights since. Upon hearing these sweet words, though, Tonks held up her hand, silencing him with a cold finger to his lips. She slipped of out bed, then, grabbing her wand to light with lumos and walking out of their bedroom. He followed her, down the hall, and then came to a halt with her outside the nursery door. She swallowed thickly, he noticed, before gripping the handle and turning it. They were flooded with yellow everywhere. Bright flowers were on the walls, a soft pink and blue blanket lay across the rocking chair's handle, and their child's first stuffed animal, (a yellow crotched elephant), was lying in the cot, peeking out just through the railing that was designed with beautifully curved spindles.

"I wonder if we would have had a boy or a girl," she whispered.

"They said they could have told us-" Remus began, always trying to be logical; real. But she cut him off.

"-I couldn't bear to know, Remus, could you? I wonder…Of course I do. But I wondered what we could have had. I can't know and then never have it. There's just…A big difference."

Remus nodded, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.

"I just feel so empty," she said as tears sprung to her eyes again.

"I know you do. You were already a Mum, Dora, that's why."

"I read an article that said women become mums when they are pregnant, but men become fathers when they see their baby. You saw the baby, Remus. You saw it…Not breathing. Did you feel like a father?"

"I did," he replied quietly. "I did."

They stood in silence for a long moment, then, letting both of their thoughts wander in separate directions. When finally, Tonks turned in his embrace and hugged him.

"I couldn't go through this with anyone but you, Remus."

He hugged her tighter and nodded in silence, assuring her that he felt the same.

They curled up together that night on the floor, then, trying desperately to fill their voids of emptiness. Being with each other was their only source of comfort.


End file.
